Digital & AI literacy · 2026-09-07

Peekaboo Through the Screen

When a toddler runs away during a video call, they aren't ignoring far-away family. Discover how to bridge the 2D gap and make virtual connections real.

The screen lights up, and the expectant faces of grandparents appear: "Hi sweetheart, did you have a good day?" But instead of chatting, your three-year-old might show them a close-up of their forehead, or simply drop the tablet and run off to the corner to play with blocks. It often leaves parents feeling awkward and grandparents feeling a little dismissed. But rest assured, your child’s behavior has nothing to do with how much they love their far-away family.

The Leap into a Two-Dimensional World

Young children are concrete, sensory learners. They understand their world through touch, smell, gravity, and shared physical space. To a toddler, a glowing rectangle showing a miniaturized, flattened face is a highly abstract concept.

Establishing "joint attention"—the ability to focus on the same object and know the other person is looking at it too—is much harder through a screen than in person ¹. When a grandparent points to something off-camera, a toddler struggles to follow that spatial cue. Faced with this cognitive load, running away to play with tangible toys is a perfectly natural response. If your child ever asks their AI companion Sparkie, "Why is Grandpa stuck inside the phone?", it is a beautiful moment to playfully explain how cameras send pictures across the world, acknowledging just how magical and confusing this technology can be.

From Interrogation to Shared Play

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) famously makes an exception for video chatting in its screen-time guidelines for young children, recognizing its value for family connection ². This is because video calls offer "contingent responsiveness"—if the child smiles, the face on the screen smiles back in real-time.

However, this interaction still requires adult scaffolding. Instead of expecting a young child to answer abstract interview questions like "What did you learn at preschool today?", we can shift the focus to shared experiences. Prop the device up so the camera captures the child's play area. The far-away family member can then act as a warm sports commentator: "Wow, I see you putting the red block on top of the blue one!" This quiet, shared presence feels much more meaningful to a toddler than a forced conversation.

Anchoring the Call in the Physical World

Attachment theory, pioneered by John Bowlby, teaches us that children build security through predictable, comforting presence. We can bridge the gap between the 2D screen and the 3D world by introducing physical rituals. In Switzerland, for example, the mid-morning snack known as Znüni (around 9 a.m.) is a cherished daily routine. Some families separated by distance use this time to share a virtual Znüni—the grandparent sitting in their Alpine village and the child in their city apartment both sit down with an apple or a piece of bread at the exact same time.

When a child hears the crunch of a cracker through the speaker, or proudly holds up a pinecone they found on a walk in the woods, the abstract video call is suddenly anchored in physical reality. It becomes a shared moment rather than a performance.

3 Things to Try This Week

• Prop it up: Use a stand to hold the phone or tablet at the child's eye level near their play area. Freeing their hands allows them to move naturally and takes the pressure off making eye contact.
• Read a shared copy: Send the grandparents a physical copy of your child's favorite picture book. They can read it aloud on the screen while your child turns the pages of their own copy at home.
• Invent physical screen rituals: Create special, silly actions just for video calls, like "high-fives" against the camera lens, blowing a kiss to the screen, or doing a specific wiggle dance together before hanging up.